Flu

10/11/2009

Today I find myself incapable of doing anything. I lay in bed like a corpse , rotting away. I have been infected with a nasty flu , and it seems to perpetuate itself...(sigh). I now understand that to some extent it is true that we need to suffer in order to enjoy pleasure. Now that I am in bed , I am looking outward and thinking to myself what I could be accomplishing , what I should be doing etc...
But the hard facts is that I am a lazy person , I get discourage very easily , and lose track of goals , and therefore hindering all sorts of momentum in my life that can propel me forward.

But all is not lost , I am still alive. When there is life , there is hope. I learned a couple of things these past few days. For example I love my mother , she took care of me. She made me dinner , and bought me medicine. I love her :)

Also , I have figureed out that by not pampering myself , I am actually inhibiting the few chances that I have to concentrate and study. So to wrap up.

This is what I have learned.
1- Love for mother only grows
2- Everyday do something I love , Do something that takes away the stress.
3- Don't pressure myself to do work


I have to still face reality , I know that things like finding a job , working my ass for school , and taking care of my responsibilities are very important.
BUT. I will not compromise my being. I am , who I am. I love to take my time , I love to read , write , day dream , watch movies , and sports ( on occasion hihihi) .

To conclude , I think that one should balance his life. Understand what makes him happy , and understand what needs to be done to sustain this happiness. I live this live to be happy , and dream. I will not stress myself over minuscule things that in the end do not even matter.

I love life.
(sometimes)

Until next time.
ciao.

Games of love.

Why do we fall in love?
Growing up , I always found myself being alone , my company was all I needed to survive.
Survival is an interesting word. I believe that we are hard wired , to live/mate with someone of the opposite sex in order to increase of chances of survival.

But the question that haunts , and plague my mind is not of the provenance/origins of love; But rather the mechanism of love.

the how? rather then the where ? interests me.

I watch myself attracted to women of similar background.

( to be continued )

Being in control.

" The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." I find this to be very true.

Looking at myself in the mirror , I am reminded how humans can be so vain. So I close my eyes , Ignore what I see , and smile.

" Shapes , Forms , Textures" , all these things are the measure of one's value in our society. I am not one of these people who do not appreciate beauty , I do ; but I believe that beauty should reflect something more deep. What exactly ? This , I do not know ; But I know that it exist , It is out there. This inner beauty that humans speak of. This inner beauty thing might might be bullshit , but if the way we are currently judging people correct , the kill me right now.

Sometimes I just feel like I am in a constant transient form , Sleeping while been awake. It is a very weird feeling. A feeling where you can't tell who is who. Friends from foes. What you are doing , and where you are heading. A state of total confusion.
Some days , I just feel like been disconnected from everything , and everyone.

But that is the challenge isn't it ? Keeping your sanity while been in this sort of matrix.
keeping your integrity while playing a dirty game ?

Why do we do the things we do ? I think that a better question should arise. What drives us to do the things we do ?

what is this force that pushes us? Can we pin point that force ? and if yes, a better question should come up. Can we manipulate this force ?

Imagine , feeling joy when been physically in pain. Using pain as a energy force to accomplish ones task.

We feel pleasure. We make actions that help us to live. And we live to feel pleasure.

I think that understand ourselves , and humans. we must understand our instincts and emotions....

My journey begins...

We are all prisoners of our emotions. But things can turn away can't they ? Our emotions can become our prisoners..........

Well this is my second post. Frankly I am amazed at myself. who would think that I , Rudolph could actually go on with this ! oh well , I think that we can all amaze ourselves from time to time. Speaking of amazement , I find myself in a situation where my social life is very .....whats the word....confined , weird ...ok so I need a dictionary !!!! clearly ...because the whole point of writing a daily journal is too actually explore my mind , while finding interest new words , that I cam add to my arsenal of vocabulary. My arsenal right now is not big , but I project that with time , perseverance , and effort , that it will eventually grow into well of knowledge.....

it is 8.32 pm , and I am currently asking myself ...should I go out ?
Well like everything in life , you need a balance , but I ask myself why ...or rather what drives us to go out ? is it the effect of having to survive , to have ourselves our own tribe ....or is it just a way to have fun , and forget the the sorrow of this world ( my world ?) ......ahhhhhhhhhhhh

ok , so having money really sucks....I never saw myself as a type who love/like control power and money....
But honestly without all these things , we are subject to other people will ....and I assure you ( me?) that these people don't have the best intention for others....In fact i will state that most of these people are bad....does that make me bad? I don't think so , History has shown that one can have money , power , but still stay true to him/her self and actually do good.


So my take is this...Money is a piece of paper ....back in the days we traded chicken and cows...does that mean that animals are bad ? no ! we traded animals ...but now we trade money...

:_(((((((((((......untill next time.

First Blog

So This is my first attempt to create a daily journal ( I hope i can send it to the moon) . Recently I have been thinking to myself that I do not right enough. Let me reiterate this statement : I DO NOT WRITE ENOUGH ! . Ok so this felt really good. A couple of days ago , I stumbled upon my friend's blog , and I thought to myself ......." He writes a blog !!!! hahaha " , no in all seriousness , he is an amazing writer , I think he should definitely become a lawyer.

Ok , my mind is going blank....writer's block already !!!! damn ! I NEED TO WRITE MORE ( this will be the tag for my article haha ).

Well today , was a very interesting day , I didn't do as well as I wanted to on my finals. But what can you do kid ?
I'll tell you What I Can , and Should have done : STUDY.
Jesus chris , I am not a good student , but to my defense studying how to use ACCESS is a waste of my precious life....

Note to self : " stop blashemy at once "

Ok sooo things to do today :

Work on my finances
Find budget for school , and new car
work on greentip

and just like the other days : FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY TIME !!!!!

no more. this is enought for a first post. I will see you. ( me ? ) later.

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